Unpredictability & Weddings:
Many people ask me what their vendors (and the couple themselves) can do to make sure the day of the wedding is a blast. I will always have one word of advice and one only, if you want to have fun on your wedding day…HAVE FUN on your wedding day! No matter how perfectly we plan, the wedding day is much more fluid, and with so many moving parts there’s bound to be one or two things that are slightly less than perfect. The majority of the time these things out of your control (just a few months ago, we had a wedding that featured a surprise guest, lots of wildfire smoke)! No matter what happens day of, it IS up to you how you handle it. Of course, we all want our wedding to be perfect, but so many things (cough Covid cough) can throw an unexpected wrench in the mix! Keep in mind at all times the reason why you’re getting married, what’s MOST important to you on the day of, and you’ll go into it with the best attitude in the world!
Similarly, while none of us can control what’s happening around us right now, we can choose how to feel about it. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t HEAVILY affected from a mental health standpoint, but we have to keep coming back to trying, and coming back to hope. Surround yourself with people who feel the same way, because it’s SO easy to find yourself all alone and feeling lonely, particularly if your support group is in the same boat. I’ve never been more baffled than by people who have a particular struggle, but have no empathy for others in the same or similar boats. Get some sun, see a friend, move your body, treat yourself, and give yourself lots of space to mess up.
Kindness and Human to Human Connection:
We all anticipated the distance right? We knew we’d have to spend some time apart from friends and family, albeit we never anticipated it would go on for this long! Even before Covid, we were slowly growing apart (and simultaneously closer together) through social media! While it offers a great platform for connecting with other professionals and people in your area, the conversations that happen online are not real conversations.
The age old Facebook arguments only grew more hostile and more heated in 2020. Finger pointing was the new norm. Everyone I talked to had “more struggles” than their friends or neighbors, so then why is nobody reaching out? As a business owner, I’ve seen fellow vendors getting into some really ugly arguments online, clients who are angry and don’t know where to put that anger, and friends who felt like they were also struggling on their own. While we are all going through incredibly different struggles, we all share the fact that we ARE going through struggles and always will be! Rather than posting a rant and moving on, have an open conversation with the person or people who may have a different viewpoint than you.
Instead of assuming the worst about your vendor team, reach out and let them know how you’re feeling and where you’re at! Similarly, if you’re a vendor who’s incredibly stressed, don’t make rush decisions about your clients and other professionals. Everyone is totally in the right to feel emotional or angry, and email/text is not the place to have those conversations. The more we distance ourselves from our community, the more distance we are going to feel in the coming years. Show some compassion and understanding. Listen to all sides. Don’t make rash decisions based on temporary emotions. Don’t assume that somebody feels a certain way, and never assume that you’re the only one struggling. Please reach out to your communities, even if it has to be through Zoom and Facetime for a little while longer!
Fear, Misinformation, and Changed Minds:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been absolutely baffled by my community and their ever changing opinions! Of course, in the early stages of Covid, none of us had any answers and fear was running rampant! It was all too easy to assume the worst, and all too easy to call out those who had a different response. Let’s face it, it has been an absolute mess of a year, and the messages we are receiving, even those from the people we’re meant to trust most, are ever changing and ever uneducated! That fear and misinformation can lead to a lot of anger, which can lead to a lot of upheaval (as we’ve seen with the constant unrest in Denver).
From the start, my husband and I have had a pretty similar understanding of the virus and how we want to move forward with our own health and safety, while of course taking the health and safety of others into mind as well. Unfortunately, a lot of our friends and family seem to be much more at the whim of whatever information is currently on the forefront! I’ve had people feel comfortable seeing me one week, and uncomfortable the next. I’ve seen people pointing fingers and taking drastic measures, only to completely change their tune the next month (block parties anyone?)! As someone who has worked very hard to keep my business alive while navigating all of these emotions, it pains me to see so many people fighting against one another. Myself and my community have been desperate to get back to work, and having people criticize us one week and agree with us the next is entirely exhausting. The ever changing guidelines are equally as exhausting. Use kindness when talking to your peers, and a difference of opinion is no reason to shut someone out.
Being Happy is a Choice:
You’ve probably heard it before, and while it may be overused and oh so cheesy, there’s so much truth to it! We all want to think there’s an end goal, or that someday we’ll be on the other side of the stress and madness. The truth is, as we mentioned above, life will always throw challenges your way. Some years will be much better than others. Sometimes things happen that are entirely unfair, and we don’t always know how to deal with it. We’ve all been bombarded with messages of “take care of your community” and “spread love not germs,” but I’ve primarily seen the opposite. People creating distance between themselves and their communities. People blaming others for their own hardships. People assuming that they have it worse than absolutely anyone else. Here’s the deal, there’s nothing we can do about the current situation, other than to try to do what we feel is right, so instead of dwelling on those things we cannot change, focus on creating happiness and finding happiness where you can! Every day offers new opportunities, so use them. I’ve absolutely LOVED seeing the crafts, hobbies, and businesses that bloomed from the pandemic! You can always find happiness if you’re looking for it. And what a difference it makes to get out of your own head and try something new or treat someone with kindness.
This Too Shall Pass:
We’ve grown up with the idea that time heals everything. A broken heart, a loss, an argument. Often times, you’re left to sift through the emotions on your own. I’ve had many moments, particularly at the end of 2020, where I felt absolutely hopeless about my business and the future of Denver in general. Quarantine and all of this year’s changes have left everyone very confused. You may be thrilled to be working from home. You may be thrust back into an environment where you’re not safe or happy. You may be out of a job and out of options. You may be terrified of the virus and what’s going on in the world. You may have gained or lost 15+ lbs. None of those things are minor, but keep in mind that with time, everything passes. We never expected this, and never expected it to have such a long timeline, but there IS an end, even if it’s not always in sight. Years from now, 2020 will be a story and we’ll have new life happenings to work through! As hard as it is, look forward and remember that you will not be in this position forever.
